Ep 2 | Kevin MYERS Part 2 Transcript

Voices of a Killer Podcast: 

Ep 2 | Kevin Myers Part 2 Transcript

Before we begin this podcast, please be advised that the following episode contains language that some listeners may find offensive and inappropriate. The opinions expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not reflect the views of the podcast. Producers, listener discretion is advised.

I actually found one of my soulmates doing time at the. Hey, listen, uh, I got you on three-way right now on, I got you on three with, okay. My husband was trying to f*** this bitch while I was going cause I let her move into my house. You know, bitch got, she's another co I got watched the video and he like creeped along the wall and like Army Crawl under the f***ing bed in the blind spot, which was a staff bathroom that nobody f***ing used.

So what'd y'all do in there? Y'all just talked about like, football or something.

You are now listening to the podcast Voices of a Killer. I'm bringing you the stories from the perspective of the people that have taken the life of another human and their current situation thereafter In prison. You'll see that although these are the folks that we have been programmed to hate, they all have something in common.

They are all humans like us that admit that they made a mistake. Will you forgive them? Or will you condemn them? They're currently serving time for their murders, and they give us an inside glimpse of what took place when they killed and their feelings on the matter. Now, here are the voices of those who have killed.

Welcome back to part two of Voices of a Killer, featuring Kevin. If you haven't listened to the first episode, I suggest you go back and listen to that one to get a brief overview of our story. As you may recall from our last episode, Kevin told us about the murder of his neighbor while he was under the influence of heroin and his initiation into prison life.

In this episode, We'll be diving deeper into Kevin's life in prison in his unique relationship with the Corrections officer. It's a story that sheds light on the complex and often overlooked realities of life behind bars and one that you won't wanna miss. Be warned, the following content may be unsettling and is not suitable for all audiences.

So join us as we delve into the voices of a killer.

I know that there's a lot of drugs that get into prisons. And Absolutely. Sure. So one of the ways that I know that they get in there is through corrections officers. You've probably seen a lot of, yeah. You know, spending so much time in there, you've probably seen a lot of crooked corrections officers.

Would that be accurate? Absolutely. I'd say

outof a whole team of staff out of 100% of staff at least 60% is bad. And also, and you have firsthand experience with this is, uh, staff and inmate relationships. I actually know Absolutely. That happens quite a bit. And you actually got into a relationship with a female corrections officer, is that right? Absolutely, yes. I have. Her name is Selena Black. She was the corrections officer at the treatment in Farmington at FCC for a couple years, and this was around 2019 and 20 when I was there.

Yeah, absolutely. Uh, I've, I've seen it numerous times. I've had it happen few times with myself. Fortunately, I had too much time to do at the beginning of bit, so towards the end I got her and, uh, Took off with her out the gate, man. Um, we're still together to this day, been through thick and thin and, uh, she's, uh, yeah, actually found one of my soulmates doing time at the prison through staff absolutely.

Now, you may be thinking to yourself, prison is not the most ideal place to find love. However, despite these circumstances, Kevin found a deep connection with Selena. As Kevin tells it, they are soulmates and their love has only grown stronger over the years. It's a unique and surprising story, but.

As we'll hear from Kevin, love can find us in even the most unlikely places, even behind bars. However, it's important to note that romantic relationships between inmates and corrections officers are illegal and a serious violation of professional ethics. Corrections officers are in a position of power over inmates and can face severe consequences for engaging in such relationships.

Nevertheless, I wanted to know more about their relationship.

Did you ever get a chance to have s** with her while you was locked up? Okay. That I can't disclose that at the time. Um, but here, here soon I would be able to, but as of now, I can't disclose that information. What they were saying is they have us, they have us on camera going inside of a staff bathroom together while everybody's at chow.

Okay. I was at treatment, I was of my community at a treatment center, which means, um, top dog there. Um, I community. And we had to go to chow. It's mandatory chow. Every meal, you're supposed to go to chow no matter what you chow and I would chow underneath. And, uh, she would go in the staff bathroom and I would arm crawl to it, go in there as well.

They have us on camera going in the staff bathroom for 15 minutes, a piece for probably like a month straight. And then after that, you know, they don't, they don't know what happened. They needed me to say what happened in that bathroom and I told them that nothing happened. Of course, cause you know, nothing happened.

Yeah. And then, uh, You know, I'm the PREA victim, so they couldn't punish me, so, right, right. Um, I had a lot of retaliation after that though. I had a s***load of retaliation problems going on. Matter of fact, they took my out from me a couple times and they made it to where I had to do more prison time than I was supposed to under investigation, the parole board finally saw what was going on and seen the retaliation act and went ahead and let me out the prison, and she came and got me from there. Yeah.

The PREA Act or the Prison r*** Elimination Act is a federal law designed to address and prevent s**ual assault and misconduct in correctional facilities.

While it is a necessary measure to protect inmates, it can also impact personal relationships that develop between prisoners and staff members. In Kevin's case, his relationship with Selena could be affected by the act as it prohibits s**ual relationships between inmates and staff members, even if they're consensual.

This raises question about the future of their relationship and how they navigate the restrictions imposed by the act. So with Priya in place, you can actually make yourself the victim even if you consent to it, because she's got the authority over here. Is that correct? Yeah, absolutely. It's the most serious thing you got in prison.

Being incarcerated now as probably the most serious act they got PREA s*** came out in around 2012. Man, it's new to the game. It changed the whole game up for, for inmates and everything going on before. Everybody was having a good old time in prison. Man. It wasn't s*** to to be, you know, doing your thing with a nurse or, or whatever, you know, they're humans too.

There's a going on, especially back in the nineties, eighties, s*** was cracking man I tell you what, now that PREA came out, we're a ward of the state so we can't give consent to our bodies. So no matter what, it's not consensual. If you're, if you're a staff and you're f***ing around with an inmate, it's automatically that, that you're r*ping the inmate. You know what I mean? Unless red-handed tied up in and literally like taking advantage and r*ping then.

You're r*ping the inmate. You know what? I, mean?

After the break, we welcome a new guest, Selena.

Hey, listen, uh, I got you on three-way right now. I got. Oh, this is my man, Toby. He's doing that podcast. Well, Selena, I'm, I'm gonna wanting permission to talk to you and, and, uh, and Kevin at the same time, I'm gonna ask you some questions, whatever you don't feel like answering and you feel like that's, you know, something that's gonna jeopardize you.

Then don't answer the question. Just say, I'd rather not answer that. But would you be willing to let me ask you some questions while I record you? Yeah, it's fine. So basically, uh, I guess you were a around Kevin while, while you were a corrections officer. Is that correct? Yeah, I was the bubble officer for the housing unit he was in.

Okay. What happened? I mean, y'all kind of flirted with each other and, and then it turned into where you, you became friends in there. Well, I mean, I mean, kind of, it was Did he, did he tell you about like, No, I didn't tell. We hated each other first. We f***ing hated each other. Well, of course she was s Well, it's not, it wasn't that Like I'm not a- shut the f*** up dude, I'm not one of those pieces of s*** for real though. My sergeant put him down, like set him down outside of my bubble and was like, here, keep an eye on him. Cause I guess they were, they were trying to like, you know, pin something on him or he did something, whatever. Anyway, I was trying to make small talk with dude, watching this dude sit here. And I noticed that he had like the orangeish brown colored marks on his fingers.

And I'm like, so what's up? You smoke? And this this f***ing mouthpiece dude. He goes, he just, he just starts going off and he is like, oh, just cause I got this doesn't mean I smoked blah blah. You just trying to say a bunch of s***. I'm like, what the f*** is wrong with you? I'm literally just trying to ask questions cause like, You know when you see that, you know you've been smoking something, playing with some kinda like heat at the very least and this motherf***er like goes off and I'm like, oh God, one of these motherf***ers.

Cause it is like my first interaction with him and I'm like, I already don't. This dude, I even told my sergeant, I was like, don't bring him back to my bubble unless you're gonna f***ing babysit.

The relationship between Kevin and Selena is like any other couple with teasing and arguments, but there's one crucial difference.

They met while Kevin was an inmate, and Selena was a corrections officer. I'm fascinated by their story, and I'm eager to learn more about how they first connected behind bars. How did they meet in such a bleak and confined environment given the power imbalance between CO and an inmate, how have they managed to make it work?

It's a love story that defies the odds and I can't wait to hear more about it.

So when did y'all start really liking each other? I just got transferred from Potosi to here. Okay. So I just got transferred from Craig Woods' Cell to here with Selena. So I was really in level five mode. You know what I'm saying? this is a treatment centre, so I was a d*** and she was a b**** and we didn't get along. Anyway go ahead babe.

Anyway, we were getting ready to go to chow and I'm the only officer that stays back in my housing, yet everyone else has to go, so it's part of my job to make sure that everyone's getting the hell outta my wing and going to chow. So everyone's lined up and ready to go and I'm, you know, obviously I'm watching and I see Kevin, or at the time I see Myers, Take his ass back to the f***ing wing.

And I'm like, oh s***, here we go. So I'm following him, you know, whatever. And he goes to his bunk and he just, he sit, he gets on top. He's like, cause he is on top bunk. So he goes to his bunk and he gets on it and he just like straight bends over at the waist and like face plants on his bed. And I'm like, what the f*** are you all right?

And he is like telling me that like, he's hurting real bad. And, and I'm like, I'm gonna have to call code 16, which is, you know, it's for medical. And I'm like, you're, you're either gonna have to go cuz you're gonna get in trouble if you don't. And so am I. If I don't make you or I'm gonna have to call you a code 16.

Like if you're not okay enough to walk to chow, then that's what I gotta do. And he just kept protesting and protesting and I'm getting antsy as f*** cuz I'm like my sergeant's getting ready to get pissed and he's gonna come down here and me and this dude both are gonna get in trouble. So finally he ends up getting up, then he goes to chow and that's where it started.

And then after that, he kept asking me, he kept coming up to me. He is like, can you, am I yellow? Am I, jaundiced? Like, can you use your flashlight? Can you look at my eyes and, and all this? And I'm like, dude, you're f***ing yellow. Like, what the hell, I caught jaundice yeah. I guess everybody else was like blowing him off. And just like, you know, not giving a s***.

But I'm like, yeah, dude, you're yellow. You need to go to medical, you need to get checked out. And that's kind where that started, I guess. He's like, oh, well she's not such a bitch after all. Okay, I caught jaundice, that's what she's referring to. I caught chronic hepatitis C. At the end of my outta nowhere, my whole skin and body turned yellow.

She a helping hand. She's usually a c***. It was like a real bad b****. She always took our telephones away from us in our day room. She, motherf***er.

So I started work for, okay. I started to work for. We started cracking little perverted jokes and s*** back and forth and started cracking jokes. And anytime I'm taking a trash out or I'll be working out in front of her exercising, I'll notice like when I turn around real quick or stare at her, like she'll be staring at me and hurry up, look away and s***, and bit her tongue and s***.

So like, damn, all. So this chick, anyway, long story short, she shows up to work one day and she's crying and I pull up to the bubble and she's just got done crying. I'm okay. What's wrong with you? She looked at me and said, She's like, it don't matter. It's not like you care anyway. Oh my God, that's not that I told you that it was none of your damn business.

And to go on about your day. Okay. It wasn't like, oh, we're I just, you know, I don't think you'd care anyway. Bulls***, dude. f*** off. So, so she, she showed to work upset and I asked her why. She wouldn't tell me. Eventually I got her, I got her f***ing fat ass out that bubble to take the trash shot with me cause she never left the bubble.

So I got her out the bubble to take a trash shot with me and I got her to talk about her feelings what was going on at life. So what made things develop inside? I mean was it because he asked about your feelings and he showed her that he cared? It wasn't really that, it was like it was the buildup. It was like, cuz we saw each other interacted.

Cause he was in my wing and as the bubble officer, typically you don't do wing blocks and all the other stuff. But we were in an open bay housing unit. That nobody wanted to work in. And so it was constantly, it was supposed to be me and two other officers on my wing cuz I wasn't supposed to be doing the wing walks and s***.

But because it was usually just me and one as a person, I'm not gonna make that person do all the work. So I did half the, the wing walks and, and there's a lot of like, their day room is right in front of my bubble and it's not blocked off with any kinda, it's just like a mesh metal thing. There's a lot of interaction with the offenders in the cos period.

But more so with me especially because like I did what everybody was, what all the other officers were doing. Plus, if you want something, you come to the bubble officer. You want your day room to be unlocked so you can use the phones. You come to the bubble officer, you want your side rooms unlocked. You come to the bubble officer.

You know what I mean? As we delve deeper into Selena and Kevin's relationship, it becomes clear that their love story is anything but ordinary. Selena was still married when she first met Kevin, but she was going through a rough patch in her relationship with her husband. And while getting out of jail is often seen as a happy ending for Kevin, it was a daunting prospect.

He often found that he was misjudged and treated unfairly because of his status. It felt like everyone was trying to put him back in prison and they had to be careful about who the associated with and where they went. Despite these challenges, Kevin and Salina's Bond grew stronger each day. They spent together navigating the complexities of their unconventional relationship like any other couple would.

So you were married whenever you got the feelings for Kevin. Yeah. Okay. She was having a rough time in life. Her husband was being piece of s*** and, uh, he, he was trying to on her, my fellow, my fellow co who I got in, who I had been into my housing unit, my best f***ing friend who has h**pes. Okay. My f***ing, my husband was trying to f*** this bitch while I was going cause I let her move into my house, you know, bitch got, she's another co Yeah.

So are you still legally married? Very mentality on that? No, actually, Uh, recently, which I mean, I've been trying to get divorced since like early 2000 and I didn't meet Kevin until, until 2021. Okay. So I've been trying to get divorced for a minute anyway, but I finally, thanks to Case next, my lawyer is kind of slacking.

Anyway, I found out that the certificate of disillusion of marriage has been mailed to Jeff City as of a couple weeks ago. So yeah, official. Nice. Are you guys gonna get married when he gets out? No. I can get married. Absolutely. That's what, that's what he wants to do now. I don't know. Let me ask you a question.

I don't know if I trust his word on that one, really. So, well, lemme ask you a question. How do you feel about somebody that's, you know, spent so much time in prison? They're just used to, I mean, they're, they're kind of a target on the outside, you know, one little thing, like being in a car with a gun or.

You know, they're just, you know, oh, she's seen it firsthand. She's seen it firsthand. She just got full hand experience and all that, and I told her the same s*** when I got out. And everybody takes it lightly until we're in the middle of all it, now her input's on her like, holy s***, the dude ain't f***ing playing people hate him. Absolutely.

Well, some of it is also the mindset as well that I've noticed. I tried to point out, but he's not trying to hear none of it, is if you have that mindset that, oh, well they're gonna target me, they're gonna do this, then your actions are very much screaming something's up to other people around you. I went to go to the doctor when I was out there, the doctor, and all the wanted to hear.

This lady was just trying to lock me up in the sack for she's like, how, how long is she just do in prison? I was, yeah, over 10 years flat in prison. And she's like, okay, and are you sure you don't wanna hurt yourself? I'm like, no, I don't wanna hurt myself. I don't wanna hurt anyone else. I'm trying to change my life.

And she's like, well, okay, that, that's fine. Are you sure you really don't wanna hurt yourself? Just a little bit. Like not only she kept asking a million times, are you sure you don't wanna hurt? Somebody else kept asking about the tattoos, kept asking about like ex h***in use and everything. Cuz he's the one that brought it up and he is like, I wanna tell you right out the gate, I can't be put on opiates.

Can you please put that in my chart so that everyone knows I do not wanna take opiates because I'm an ex h***** addict. And she just like kind of loses her f***ing mind in this whole like, oh, well, are you gonna hurt somebody else? You gonna hurt yourself? Are you gonna get back on drugs? You are gonna go back to prison?

Just all this crazy s***.

But that wasn't the only trouble that the couple faced. Selena's relationship with Kevin now means that she's facing legal repercussions for her actions. The law in Missouri prohibits s**ual conduct between a corrections officer and an inmate. This is considered s**ual conduct in the course of public duty and is a Class E felony.

And consent is not a defense in these cases. While there's no proof that Kevin and Selena's relationship with s**ual behind bars, I was curious to know how this side of their relationship has progressed and how Selena feels about the risk she's taking.

So you're actually trying to get prosecuted over this right now, right?

Yeah, they're trying to say that I had s** with him, which I did not. Okay, but you did have s** with him after he got out, right? Yeah, after like after he got out. But they're trying to say that like that s*** happened while he was under, you know, under my care kind of thing. So that's gotta be some pretty bomb ass s** to have s** with an inmate after it's been built up for so long.

Get out. Right.

Actually it was pretty, Yeah. Everybody likes after 12 years, that's what he what? Yeah. After, uh, some ex, you know, exciting buildup. A guy's locked up for 12 years. He's, you know, and then, you know, I, I can imagine that's some pretty good s***. Yeah, good enough. I paid like, we paid like $600 for two nights in a f***ing hotel room, and we didn't leave until time.

Go Hollywood Casino Hotel. Yeah, it was all my money I made off the prison yard when I came home.

See, the whole reason, like, first of all, I mean morals, morals aside, I, the main reason I wouldn't have s** with him there. Is because at the time when I met him, he was supposed to be getting out in two months. So I was like, dude, you, you've waited 12 years, you can wait another two months. But then with all the bulls*** that happened, he ended up like they, they set him up for some bulls***, like trying to introduce contraband, which was bulls***.

It was me and his mom, like I was trying to get her some moonshine, but a friend of mine made me, and they tried to say that we were trying to introduce the contraband and everything else. He ended up getting a whole nother year. Wow. But, so this happened in two months time, that from the time you met him in two months, he was crawling over to a closet with you?

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That was, that was some pretty quick work. Okay. They, they work pretty quickly. Lemme tell you, you give them like five minutes and they're f***ing, they've known him their whole life. They're on top of it. Sure, sure. But obviously something developed where whenever he got out, a relationship formed, was that right?

Right. Well, I was actually, I had actually resigned almost an entire year before they let him out. So during that period is where it really developed. Right. So I mean, is it worth the risk? Do I think he's worth the risk? Yeah, I mean, yeah, I definitely think he's worth it. Like there was, there's a lot of things I would've preferred to do differently considering the legal bulls*** that I'm going through now.

But yeah, he is definitely worth the risk. Well, I mean, there's a saying, you, you know, you can't stop love and, uh, it sounds like it was, uh, kind of unstoppable. Yeah. Cause I wanted nothing to do with it in the very beginning. Cause I'm like, dude, that's, that's just stupid.

Selena was initially reluctant to pursue a relationship with Kevin and had to keep it secret from her colleagues knowing the potential legal and professional consequences.

So did you ever tell any other officers, Hey, I, I really like this guy. This, this inmate. Oh hell no. No. That's, Don't, s***. I didn't even, I didn't even wanna have feelings for this dude. You know, I'm not stupid. That's not how that works. You're not Find your soulmate behind bars

That and more after the break.

Do you remember, uh, a case of a, a corrections officer, Alabama? Uh, her name was Vicki White and she helped this guy escape and then she shot herself in the head. Yeah, I remember that. So did you and, uh, Kevin plan an escape? Uh, Oh, f*** no. Oh, hell no. No. They tried hitting me with an escape, yo. That's what they tried doing.

Toby. They tried telling me that I was trying to escape, and they were gonna hit- They said that if I didn't tell them what happened in that bathroom that they were gonna hit me with an escape.

And I'm gonna get five extra years and a bunch of crazy s***. And, and, uh, yeah man, the major, the major was supposed to talk crazy to me. I wouldn't, I wouldn't tell what happened in the bathroom. So he tried threatening me and he tried telling me that. He's like, well, this is what we need you to say. We need you to say that some s**ual stuff happened that bathroom, and if you don't say that, I'm gonna hit you with a public escape, I'm gonna take your treatment and it's gonna set you back on prison time.

The relationship between Kevin and Selena reminded me of the case of Vicki White in several ways. Alabama Corrections Officer Vicki White was believed to be in a relationship with murder suspect Casey White. She was accused of freeing him in late April of 2022 from the Alabama jail where she worked under the pretense of taking him to a courthouse.

After the car they were driving crashed during a police chase, White shot herself. Casey White was taken into custody and returned to Alabama to face charges. Authorities believed the two had fostered a romantic relationship. Which had led to the alleged jailbreak. I wanted to know if this was something that Selena and Kevin had considered.

I also wanted to know if this alleged action between the two played out and how the legal actions were progressing. So, did you ever tell any other officers, Hey, I, I really like this guy. This, this inmate. Oh, hell no. No, that's, no, you don't. s***. Matter of fact, I didn't even, I didn't even wanna have feelings for this dude, because, you know, I'm not stupid.

That's not how that works. You're not gonna find your soulmate behind bars. You what I'm saying? Yeah. So how long did it take before, because I'm sure you went under an investigation at some point. Would you get pulled in the office and they start questioning you about it? It was not too long before I resigned.

Okay. Cause there's, I got locked up first. Listen, shut up. There's not a whole lot that I can get into. No, I'm not even joking. I'm an active open case. So you, you've already f***ing yaks yet. I'm chill out. So, as a corrections officer, I wanna know what it was like being pulled in the office. You know, they pulled you in there to do the investigation.

Were they like, we know you've been doing this, or are they just asking you questions? Oh, there's some dirty motherf***ers, dude. Like, they pulled me in there and they were like, they were like, dude, where's your, like, we know you did this. Where's your dignity? Where's your pride? Like all that. I'm like, who the f***, who the f*** do you think you're talking to?

I was like, are you serious? Like, I did not f*** nobody. Just cuz I was in there with the dude doesn't mean I f***ed him. They're like, oh we already know and all this other bulls***. And I'm like, okay. Well you said he keep knowing some bulls*** then. Cause I didn't do nothing. Sure. So what from my understanding is, is Kevin would wait back and not go to chow and then he would crawl over to a closet and y'all would go inside of a closet together.

I got to watch the video and he was like, creep along the wall and like army crawl under the f***ing bed to a blind spot, which was a staff bathroom that nobody f***ing used. So what'd y'all do in there? Y'all just talked about like football or something?

We talked and stuff. We cleaned the ceiling tiles. Remember the concrete ceiling tiles they don't have in there? So, They have a burden of proof to prove that you've done something s**ually in this room, but nobody on this f***ing earth would believe that nothing happened in that room without, I mean, you know what I mean?

Understandable. Yeah. Must see. Nothing really did happen because, and he was trying, don't get me wrong, he was trying, like, I'm talking on like he f***ing, before I even knew what happened, he un clicked my duty belt and I'm like, f*** no, don't piss it off. I, yeah. Like he was trying, he's trying hard. Like every time we would go somewhere and we'd be by ourselves, he'd be all like ripping all mys and s***.

And I'm like, up, I had no pu**y in 12 years you got me f***ed up. You put me in a bathroom? I'll find a way to get this off, I'll find a way to take your belt off. I don't even know how to work a utility belt, but I did that day though.

I was, was, it was literally just like where you just squeeze it on the top and the bottom. I mean, it wasn't, it wasn't nothing big. But at the same time, I'm like, What the f***, dude? Because I didn't even realize what was happening. And then my s***'s trying to fall off and I'm like, f*** the f***. Do you think this is, I'm not f***ing in a nasty ass f***ing prison bathroom.

So do you have a a court date now? Yeah. And a trial. The next one is on the 17th of this month. I've been going to trial. They've been continuing it. They don't have anything on me because nothing, we're gonna throw it out. I'm the victim. They're gonna throw it out. They needed me to talk they needed me to tell them what happened in the bathroom. Just because of all that.

Like I lost the out date for it. All types of s***. I went home on hunger strike, all types of crazy s***, dude. They trying to get, get to me. Cause I went, [Unintelligble]

DId the prosecutors offer you a plea deal? They tried to offer me a plea deal for, uh, three-year probation with a three-year backup, but I'm not gonna plead guilty to something I've didn't do.

Okay. So now what is your Max sentence you could get for this if they found guilty? Uh, I think three years in prison? I think so, yeah. Wow. That's crazy. Are you scared? Uh, to be honest, no, because like, they don't, they literally don't have anything on me because I didn't, I didn't f***ing do it. So I gotta tell you something.

Every single person that's been locked up in prison, almost every single person thinks that same thing. When they're pleading not guilty. They don't have nothing on me. No, but that's the problem. Like they, like, they can't have anything on me if I didn't f***ing do it.

That's kinda, that's kinda the problem I get where you, I get where you're going with all that. I,

Selena, you just went to straight offender detain mode. I'm innocent, I swear. Damn. I swear. They don't have nothing on me. Yeah, they work fast. They don't have nothing. You got like, f*** boy, you f***ing chicken head. I was listening to Selena and Kevin talk and I couldn't help but think of how their relationship sounded like something out of a TV drama and how these programs that are set in prisons often shape people's perception of what it's really like to be behind bars.

Shows like Orange is the New Black, often portray the dark side of prison life. With crooked corrections officers, gang violence and corruption. But I wondered how much of this is true? Does prison really have the desired effect of rehabilitating inmates? That's when I realized I needed a unique perspective.

And who better to ask than a corrections officer like Selena, who has seen it all firsthand?

What I wanna know from you, Selena, is give me a view of prison from a corrections officer's perspective. Well, the first thing that comes to mind is dirty. Like I know they get used to it after a while, but you go in there and the first thing that you notice besides looks, besides anything, before you even fully get in, you could be outside.

When it hits you, it's, it's the f***ing smell. It smells so rank. It's like feet and bo and like f***ing nut juice and just like everything. And like it's on your uniform, like before you leave, it's like on your uniform. It's embedded. Like I would wash my uniforms by themselves because otherwise I felt, I mean, I might just been my s*** going crazy, but I felt like that smell would get into my clothes and everything else and it just, ugh.

And then where we were at, it was an old, I mean, they had actual like, Like regular prison built housing units. But we had, it was an old, it was the old mental, mental ward. Yeah, the old number four in Farmington. They used to, they used to execute. They had a lot of swings and s***. Yeah, they did lobotomies in our housing unit.

They did the lobotomies in the basement back in the day. Yeah, yeah. Did he have a camera in a cell? You could watch him like jack off and s***. Well, I mean it was open bay housing unit and there was cameras everywhere except for the one, the one f***ing blind spot of the cameras. And so yeah, you could literally be sitting there, you know, just looking over at the cameras from the bubble and like see 'em f***ing doing s***.

Or whenever you do your walks, like they'll hang their clothes on the bunk and if they're bunks completely closed in, you know what's up, where there's a few times. Where you'll have it to be like standing on the bottom bunk, pretending to f*** with s*** on his bunk, which is the top. And there's clothes covered on either side.

You know, he is getting head. That's funny. s***. So funny. So, so Selena, what, what is like, everybody has these views of prison because of tv. What is something that just does not match up with tv? I'm just, dude, there's so many, like literally the f***ing cleanliness, the so-called order, um, the cos like none of that s***, like they picked the nicest, cleanest, you know, most pristine f***ing prisons to go into.

And it's just, it's so unrealistic cuz they give you all the best behaved defenders and everything. Like there's always, somebody's always popping off. Somebody's always got something to say. They're always doing something, they're always sliding the bathroom, taking care of business. Like you don't, you don't see that s*** on tv.

You don't see the bribes that the officers actually offer just to get s*** to shut the f*** up. Like, okay, listen, I'll give you an extra few minutes here. If you do this, that type of s***, you don't get to see that because all the ones that they show on TV are just already doing what they're supposed to anyway.

What crooked s*** have you seen officers do to like inmates? Because I mean, I know that they, you know, they treat 'em like s*** and they have the upper hand, so like, you know, obviously did they have every, anybody get beat up because an officer had 'em beat up? I seen officers f***ing like leave, like chewing stuff for offenders that take care of s***.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like certain officers like used to the, oh, okay, well here's chew, here's this, or they would. Bring him food and I give him s*** outta their lunchbox, stuff like that. Some of the dirtiest s*** I've seen is there's some officers that's like, oh, I know this motherf***er's doing something.

Or, you know, nobody likes this guy, whatever. And we wanna get him, we wanna get him off the wing. Like we're tired of dealing with him, but we can't him doing nothing. So we're gonna put something on him. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Where they just falsely accuse you of s***. They, they just like, they come up and they're like, oh, well we know you did this and we heard you say that.

And then they'll have another officer and they're like, yeah, yeah, I heard it too. And it's like, are you f***ing kidding? Like, I was standing right there. Yeah. You're a f***ing thing. And they're like, oh, well you other officer heard it. You must not have been paying attention. Do you think, uh, prison actually corrects inmates?

Oh, f*** no. f*** no. No. That's, that's some of the dumbest s*** ever like, Even the length of time that they get is complete bulls*** because depending on the person, like you could do some seriously heinous s*** and you put a person in one of these s***hole f***ing prisons and you treat 'em the way that they're f***ing treated, basically like less than animals.

You know what I mean? Yeah. That could completely change their outlook and like, holy f***, I never wanna do this again. Within a year, two years. But yet this motherf***er has gotta stay in there for the next 15 to 20 years. Just, just cause And then he turn, then he gets institutionalized and he doesn't know anything better than to, you know, behave the way that is required in prison to survive.

And then you, you throw this motherf***er out into society with no help, no nothing, and then expect him to function. No. What you're really doing is you're making him come right back. But what you've done is you've chosen somebody to put in your life that may not be able to function on the outside. Yeah, I get that.

A lot of it is the support system. You have to have a really good thorough support system to be able to, to help someone like that, whether you're with them, whether you're friends with them, it doesn't, it doesn't matter. They need a support system. They need someone they can run to and be like, Hey, listen, I'm having issues in this area.

What the f*** do I do? So Kevin is back in jail after a long sentence because you had a gun in a car you didn't know to take that gun outta the car. Okay, listen, first of all, I have my CCW. Yes, I know everything about that type s***. However, I have to have it on my person at all times around him.

Otherwise, he can get hit with that. So the best thing for that was, was lock it in the car because they can't say that he was, you know, had access to it because I would have my keys, it's locked in my car. Okay. But then this dude gets up in the middle of the f***ing night and he goes off to the gas station in my car.

Not really re ugh. Not realizing I had left the gun in the car. So he actually had meth on him too though, right? Yeah. So how does that make you feel That he, you know, he is somebody that's, you're, you're trying to, you know, bring somebody in your life after he gets outta prison and he is, he's doing meth.

Me and him went through a a whole lot of really bad s*** for a while because he thought he could do that to make his back stop hurting. Cuz that was the whole miracle of it, you know? And you know, and my pain stopped and he thought he could handle that. Cause it's not his type of high, he's like naturally high.

So he like to do more of downer type of stuff. One minute left in the reality of the situation is this motherf***er could not handle it at all. He got strung the f*** out. Yeah, I gave her a warning. I told him I was f***ed up. Yeah, yeah. We get hear stuff. Alright. The whole problem was you be f***ed up on meth too.

Kevin's self-awareness of his problem with drugs is something that can't be ignored. It landed him back in prison despite the efforts of Selena to help him. However, Selena's commitment to Kevin is something that obviously gives him hope. Hope of a better future, a marriage, and ultimately love. I was curious, was Kevin confident that Selena would stay faithful to him while he was behind bars?

So do you think Selena is, uh, holding out for you out there? What do you mean? I mean, you think she's, you know, got something off to the side while she's waiting for you, Selena? Uh, okay. So I'm weird about my relationship Toy man. See, I'm the type, uh, I can do open relationships to an extent. You know what I'm saying?

Sure. I've been in jail my whole life, man. So I, I kind of, I know how it goes and I'm not stupid. So when it comes to Selena, okay, since I, I actually did fall in love with Selena. I usually don't fall in love with females like that. Uh, I actually love her, but, um, I tell you what, uh, it's not usually goes and I'm locked up.

I tell her, do whatever, do whatever you wanna do. Uh, just, you know, just always answer the phone, take care of me, and, uh, you know, just. Don't do nothing stupid. You know what I mean? Like there's certain things she knows what to do and not to do. But now be honest with you, man, when I'm out in the world, I'm the type, I'm the type of guy.

Every now and then we'll go pick a stranger up and go to a motel room and we'll all have some wild fun. You know what I mean? Sure. So how much time are you gonna get for this? Probably not gonna get any time. I'm probably get right out. Oh, you think? Okay. For gun, for, I thought, uh uh. A felon with a gun is like three years mandatory.

Yeah, no, no. I'm over here in Illinois. See, they're gonna drop the gun charges because it's a licensed firearm. And, uh, she already, she already, uh, came about and came forward and told 'em what happened. So, uh, my firearm charges are getting dropped. The only thing I'm getting charged with is, uh, possession of methamphetamine under 5 grams.

Did the prosecutor say that you weren't gonna get charged with the gun? Yeah, they came to talk to me once already. And, uh, they're gonna drop my class and all this stuff. I'm just waiting on 'em to do it. Yeah. Despite the bleak setting, he finds himself in stuck behind bars with the justice system poised to strike.

Again, Kevin has bucket loads of optimism. It sometimes makes you forget that he has taken the life of another, and perhaps that is the point of this episode in another lifetime, Kevin and Selena might not have ever met if it weren't for the situation they were both in. Situations by most people's standards that are undesirable.

But who are we to judge? Is it for you to decide? Will you forgive or you condemn this voice of a killer?

On the next episode of Voices of a Killer. What she did was terrible. The 40 year old man she hit, Matthew Baker, did not survive. Saturday, prosecutors charged the woman Kathryn Marsh with second degree murder. It was a sad day to begin with. How'd that make you feel? I'm gonna live with it for the rest of my life.

So whether it was 10 years, 20 years, however long it was, it unfortunately, I don't think any time's gonna be enough. It's not gonna bring him back. So the first time that you struck him, were you going forwards or backwards? I don't know why someone would do that. Uh, still confuses me. It was just very intense, very crazy.

I'm just shocked that it happened. What were you telling him? Uh, how much I love him and to hang on. It's a wrap on this episode of Voices of a Killer. I want to thank our guest, Kevin and Selena for sharing their story with us today. Their ability to speak their truth and to be open and honest is what makes this podcast so special.

A big shout out to Sonic Futures who handle the production, audio editing, music licensing, and promotion of this podcast. If you want to hear more episodes like this one, make sure to visit our website at voices of a killer.com. There you can find previous episodes, transcripts, and additional information.

About the podcast. Lastly, if you enjoyed this episode, please consider leaving us a review on Spotify, apple Podcast or wherever you get your podcast. Your feedback helps us improve and reach new listeners. Thank you for your support and we can't wait to share more stories with you in the future. Thank you for tuning in.

I'm your host, Toby, and we'll see you next time on Voices of a Killer.