Ep 20 | SASSY STODULSKI Transcript

Ep 20 | Sassy Stodulski Transcript

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How difficult was that for you? Ooh, the worst moment in my life. And when I woke up the next morning, she was laying beside me on top of me, and she wasn't breathing. Do you feel like you deserve 10 years in prison for that? Absolutely. It's not so easy being labeled a baby killer. It's pretty rough, and I think that the death of my child changed my life.

I lost the most precious thing to me. Don't make the same mistake that I did and lose your child. The death of your child is not worth getting high. 

You are now listening to the podcast Voices of a Killer. I'm bringing you the stories from the perspective of the people that have taken the life of another human and their current situation thereafter in prison. You'll see that although these are the folks that we have been programmed to hate, they all have something in common. They are all humans like us that admit that they made a mistake. Will you forgive them or will you condemn them? They're currently serving time for their murders, and they give us an inside glimpse of what took place when they killed and their feelings on the matter now. Here are the voices of those who have killed.

Welcome back to Voices of a Killer. Today we're talking to Sassy Stodulski, a woman whose battle with drugs culminated in the death of her 22-month-old daughter, Madison. Madison's passing is a stark reminder of the vulnerability of children who live in drug-torn households, children who often become the collateral damage of addiction.

During our conversation with Sassy, we will relive the events leading up to Madison's death and explore how Sassy has come to terms with her grief. We will also find out how Madison's death was nearly avoided, a revelation that exposes the flaws and failures of child protection services. Join us for this story of a mother's heartbreak, a toxic relationship, and a life lost too soon on this episode of Voices of a Killer.

Sassy is your real name? Yes. That's a pretty unique name. Where'd you grow up? In Rola. How would you describe your childhood? It was difficult. Why's that? My dad wasn't around and my stepdad wasn't in the picture until I was five, so it was, I don't know, I felt like I was always looking for a father figure and I found it in my grandparents, but I think they spoiled me a little, so it made me and my mom fight and I ended up living with the grandparents most of my life.

What does that feel like to be a young girl and, and not have a father? What's that? Describe that to me. It was a little more difficult for me because I had brothers and he was in their life, so I was like the unwanted child. It was really confusing because I always figured there was something wrong with me, that if he wants to be in their life, why doesn't he wanna be in mine?

And y'all shared the same biological father? Yes. Why was he in their life but not yours? I've tried asking him because we came in contact when I was 15 and he tried to say that he just wasn't ready for children. But I had two brothers, so that didn't make sense. And then every time I tried to push for questions, he just quit talking to me again.

So you're actually in there for the death of your own child, is that right? Correct. How old was your child? 21 months. Did you live alone or did the baby's father live with you? The baby's father lived with me. How was your relationship with him? Horrible. It was very toxic. What made it toxic? We were both addicted to drugs and he was a cheater, so I was just left at home, home alone with Madison a lot of the times while he ran around and did whatever he wanted.

Was Madison the name of your baby? Yes. What kind of drugs were y'all doing? He***on. I didn't know that there was fentanyl mixed in with the he***on until we got the toxicology results back. So how long, when did you start doing he***on? 2016. 2016. Before you actually did he***on for the first time, what kind of drugs had you done?

I had taken Percocet and smoked marijuana. And the first time you did he***on, did you snort it, did you smoke it or did you shoot it up? I've only snorted it. Yeah. Have you ever shot it up? Never. It scared me. So before you did your first line of he***on, you only did pain pills and smoked weed basically for hard drugs?

Yes. What would've made you have tried to do he***on for the first time? What would've caused you to say, yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and try this? Honestly, as stupid as it sounds, it was the prices of pills went up and he***on was cheaper. Do you recall the first time you tried he***on? Snorted it? Yes. Me and my baby daddy had broke up and he asked me to come over to his house and we were talking about getting back together and I'd been coming off of pain pills and withdrawing for probably four days.

And he was like, "Here, try this. It'll help. It'll help". And I caved, and instead of staying sober, I tried he***on and fell in love. After you did it the first time, was it pretty much you got in it the next day and just never stopped? Actually, I did stop when I found out I was pregnant with Madison. I was five months pregnant and then I got clean.

Was that difficult to stop? Yes. It's one of the most miserable things in the world. So what year did you have a baby? 2018. Okay, so this is two years later after you started he***on for the first time, you had a baby girl, Madison, right? Yes. And then after you initially had, you know, her birthday, how long after you had the baby did you go back to he***on?

The night she died. The same night that you went back as the night that she passed away? Yep. It was the night I relapsed was the night she passed away. 

Sadly, Sassy's is a story that's become far too common. Dabbling with painkillers at first, Sassy progressed to he***on and soon found herself battling an active drug addiction. And she wasn't alone.

Sassy's he***on use came hand in hand with a toxic relationship with the father of her child, Reggie Stodulski. It was Reggie who first introduced her to he***on. The roots of addiction are nuanced and complex. Sassy talks of the absence of her father figure in her life and deep feelings of abandonment factors that could drive somebody to substance abuse.

It's possible that Sassy might've found healthier ways to resolve her childhood pain if it hadn't been for Reggie's influence. According to Sassy, she became sober when she fell pregnant with her daughter Madison. But by December 2019, Sassy had relapsed and taken he***on. This time she wouldn't be the only one to face the consequences.

So tell me, before this happened, you had the baby and were you back with the father of the baby? He was in and out of our lives. He had multiple girlfriends, so he would come over and see Madison and he would pretend like we were together, but I knew he had someone on the side, so I just left it alone.

And so one night you decided that you were gonna get high on he***on again? Yes. After so much time and not doing it, how'd you know where to find it? What had happened was I had a Christmas party at my work and he had brought Madison up there because I worked at a nursing home and he brought Madison up there to see me. And he asked if he could come see me when I got off work and I said yes.

He was facing jail time because his best friend had just overdosed and they were charging him with it. And I just freaked out and snapped and he was like, "I'm about to go do a line". And I was like, "Make me one". And from there it was over. And that night, that one line, you went back and fell asleep?

Well, after I did the line, I gave Madison a bath and we laid on the couch to watch Shrek and she fell asleep on my chest and he was on the couch. I was on the loveseat, and I fell asleep with her. And when I woke up the next morning, she was laying beside me instead of on top of me, and she wasn't breathing, so I screamed for him to call 911.

And he handed me my phone, grabbed his stuff, and he walked out the door. So I had to call 911 and give my daughter CPR until the ambulance got there. What happened to her? They Narcaned her four times. They got her to come back for just a little, but she just wasn't strong enough to make it. And then two months later they got the autopsy report back and I was arrested that day. So did she get ahold of the fentanyl while you were sleeping?

I'm not 100% sure what happened. I feel like something was left out, whether it was the phone we were doing it on, or he had left something on the table. She woke up and I was too high to wake up with her and she got ahold of it because the little kids put everything in their mouth. Was there a straw left out or a baggie or the plate that it was fixed up on?

What was left out? I'm not sure about that because I know when the cops came and raided my house, they said that they found residue on the table. So I'm assuming that she had just touched the table and it had been on it. 

The death of a child is a mother's worst nightmare days away from Christmas, that nightmare came true for Sassy. After an office party, she got high with Reggie, watched Shrek, and drifted off on the couch. When she woke up the next day, Madison was lying, unresponsive and cold on the floor next to her. Reggie fled and Madison was rushed to the hospital, but it was too late to save the little girl's life. She had overdosed on fentanyl. Looking for clues to help paramedics save Madison, the police searched through Sassy's home. Various objects they found tested positive for fentanyl, including a chunky white substance on the coffee table, which was easily within Madison's reach. At some point, the toddler must have ingested it accidentally and her tiny body wasn't able to withstand the drug.

Clearly, this was not a safe environment for a curious toddler. Madison's death is yet another casualty in a rampaging fentanyl epidemic. Incredibly toxic, fentanyl is to blame for a huge uptick in drug-related deaths as of late. And Madison's story warns us that children too can become silent victims when living under the same roof as drug users.

Bringing Madison into contact with fentanyl robbed Sassy of the most precious thing in her life, her daughter. More on how Sassy has dealt with Madison's death after the break.

So take me back to whenever you woke up and noticed that she wasn't breathing. How difficult was that for you? Ooh, the worst moment in my life, it's the scariest feeling. And the father just left? Yes. He just walked out the door and left. And actually I almost got charged with lying to the police because he had me lie to them and tell them that he wasn't even there with us.

That it was just me there. Because he knew he was already in trouble for a previous overdose. Do you think that your baby Madison had been passed away for a while? Was she still warm or what? No, she was cold, so it had been a little bit. How long did it take for the ambulance to get there? They were there within five minutes.

Where my apartment was, there's an ambulance bay, like three blocks up the road. What did you tell 'em that, did you say, "I think then she might've got ahold of some drugs" or did you try to hide that at first? No. They had already previously guessed that because a month prior to Madison dying, the cops had raided my house looking for Reggie, and he wasn't there.

Is that the father? Yes. Why was he wanted? They were looking for him because his girlfriends were overdosing and dying and they wanted to question him about it. So you knew these people were dying. That didn't make you scared to do the fentanyl? No. I mean, once you're an addict and when you stress out and you feel emotion, all you want is for them to go away and being high on he***on, it numbs you and you don't feel anything anymore.

How long after Madison passed away did they actually put you in cuffs and arrest you for her death? They cuffed me up immediately right after they told me she had passed away, but I got out on bond and then two months later they pressed the murder charges. What did you end up getting charged with?

At first, I was going to be charged with third-degree murder and I took a plea for class A child endangerment, death of a child. And what did they sentence you to? 10 years. Do you feel like you deserve 10 years in prison for that? Absolutely. Do you think you'll do he***on when you get out? Absolutely not. 

Losing Madison has shattered Sassy's life. Calling it the worst moment of her life, Sassy says she's been left devastated by the tragedy. Shortly after Madison's death, Sassy was sentenced to 10 years for endangering the welfare of her child, but her true punishment will be living with the consequences of her mistake. 

Sassy refers to an incident that happened a few weeks prior to Madison's death. The cops raided her house looking for evidence of drugs while investigating Reggie. Indeed, the authorities were well aware of the substance abuse happening in the Stodulski house, and the danger Madison was in. Drugs were found in a candy dish, and even in Madison's shoes, alarmingly close to the young toddler. Concerned for her safety, the officers then alerted child protection agencies. This was a warning signal, an opportunity to intervene before things took a tragic turn, and yet the system failed to prevent Madison's death. The following news report by Scripps News uncovers what led to this failure. 

And in Rolla, Missouri, little Madison Stodulski overdosed on fentanyl and died a few days before Christmas in 2019.

So tell me what this is, like when did you set this up? I set this up right after Maddie passed. I wonder what she would've been like. She would've started school this year. Christina Forrester is Madison's grandmother. I have her toothbrush. Madison was just 22 months old when she overdosed on her parents' fentanyl.

Both parents are serving prison time for her death. I'm pissed. I'm real mad. I'm hurt. I feel like the people that we hire as a community to protect our kids and us dropped the ball. Forrester says she was in the dark about the drugs but government child protective workers and police did know about the dangers She told us Madison tested positive for drugs at birth and again days before she died.

Although social workers did take steps to protect Madison, Forester says they should have done more. To me, she was my world and they let that go. These documents we uncovered spell out in black and white what Forrester is so angry about. They show someone called the child abuse hotline about Madison a month before she died, but a state caseworker couldn't get in touch with Madison's parents and sent this letter instead. Then about two weeks before Madison's death, police searched her family's home for drugs. You can see Madison with her mother In these photos we obtained from that day. That's when the police contacted the state's children's division to report concerns.

This time, a caseworker arranged for Madison to stay with a relative until drug tests came back. But Madison's parents didn't follow the plan. Two weeks later, Madison ended up back in her parents' home and within hours she was dead. How well do you think the system here in Missouri is working given that children have died?

Anytime a child dies, there is clearly an indication of a failure in the system, whether that system failure is a result of parental inadequacy. The reality is we all have an effort of responsibility. Adam Crumbles is the Deputy Director of the Department of Social Services in Missouri, which oversees the state's children's division.

He told us confidentiality laws prevented him from speaking specifically about Madison's death. Would you say it's fair that some of these children fell through the cracks? I think it's a fair assessment to say that in Missouri, when you have a stressed workload of caseworkers, that the cases are far beyond what an individual caseworker could effectively handle.

Crumbly says the state is working to hire, retain, better compensate more workers, while looking to develop strategies that can prevent these cases. Love and miss you, baby girl. For Christina Forrester, it's now too late, but she says she'll never stop fighting to bring attention to the young life that could not be protected.

If I could save grandparents from having to go into a crematorium and kiss their grandbaby goodbye, and that being their last vision of that baby, it's worth it.

As the news report lays out, Madison's death was avoidable. Child services had many opportunities to divert the toddler to safety and failed. After Madison tested positive for drugs, she was actually placed in the care of Reggie's mother. But amidst various delays in broken communication, Madison somehow ended up back at her parents' home by late December.

A meeting with the caseworker was scheduled for December 23rd, but by then it was too late to intervene. Madison's death seems more tragic and more frustrating when we see how easily it could have been prevented. 

Madison's case speaks to fundamental systematic problems within child protective services. Caseworkers are so overloaded that children are falling through the cracks with excessive caseloads (one report filed every 10 seconds), understaffed offices, and resistance from parents. Children aren't removed from unsafe homes quickly enough. In the end, it's drug users like Sassy, who are the ones held accountable, making the system more reactive than preventative.

Before wrapping up our interview, I wanted to ask Sassy more about her life in prison. Has she been able to process the loss of her only daughter while behind bars? As a former drug user, she now has the opportunity to help others who are struggling with substance abuse. What advice can she give to others so that this doesn't happen to another parent again. 

When do you expect a deferral? I get out April 26th of 26. You've already been in front of the parole board? Yes. How was that interaction with them? Did you feel like they empathized with you or what? What was that interaction like? Absolutely not. They took me above my guidelines because they said that I had not done enough time for my crime.

Did they tell you that in front of you or was it a written statement after you had seen them? It was a written statement after I'd seen them. But to your face. Did you feel like you got a different story from them? Absolutely. I thought that I was going to get, I was supposed to go home. My last date was June 26th of this year.

And the way that they had talked to me in there, I thought I was going home then. And that's the way, the only reason I posed that question is because typically what I've heard is when they talk good to you and they seem like they sympathize with you in face, then you're gonna get the letter saying you don't get the parole.

And then when they're an assh**e to your face, that's when you get parole. That's what I've heard. That is exactly how it works. What's it been like for you in prison now? It's not so easy being labeled a baby killer. It's pretty rough. Have you gotten in fights in there because of that? No. I try to stay away from that.

I've been bullied quite a bit, but I'm trying to get home so I can do better. So I've not argued back or fought back. I've just took it on my chin and moved on. How often do you get s*** from people over that? Oh, daily. Do you have any friends in there? Yes, I have a couple. Do those people have crimes that are looked down upon too? Actually, they're not. They're just awesome people that understand I made some bad decisions. Do you think that prison is gonna correct?

I don't think so much that prison has corrected me. I think that the death of my child changed my life. I lost the most precious thing to me, and now I will do anything to prevent that from happening to me again or to someone else. Do you think you're a bad person? I don't think I'm a bad person. I just think that I made one bad decision and it cost me everything and changed my life forever.

What would you tell to people out there listening? They're hooked on pain pills or thinking about going down that path, what would you say to them? Don't let your addiction take over your child's life. Don't be afraid to ask for help, whether it's from your parents or CFS or anyone. They're not against you.

They're gonna be for you and for your child. Don't make the same mistakes that I did and lose your child. The death of your child is not worth getting high. What are you gonna do when you get out? I'm in a program called Offenders Offering Alternatives in here, and it's where we help people on probation not come here.

I want to use what I've learned and hear the tools I use to help people out there. I want to join a rehab and work there. And help people just kick addiction and not make the same mistakes I did. Was that your only child? Yes. Do you think you'll have any more children? I hope one day, but I don't know if I'm ready.

Yeah. Do you have support on the outside? Yes. My family is a humongous support. Well, Sassy, I appreciate you opening up to me. I know that's very difficult to not only lose someone but also lose your freedom all at the same time. Drug addiction is a huge part of our society, whether we like it or not, unfortunately, this is exact scenario is why we deem drugs as bad because stuff like this happens to the innocent.

It's just an unfortunate thing. But I appreciate you opening up to me. I hope that the rest of your time is as good as it can be and take it easy, Sassy. Alright, goodbye.

On the next episode of Voices of a Killer, some people talk about how they go to jail and they come out and they still got the monkey on their back. I got a gorilla. Were you thinking like, wow, I hope that it wasn't from the drugs that we were doing together? We weren't just buyer and dealer. It wasn't like that, thing is, we were friends. Do you think that something bad would've happened eventually anyway, being hooked on he***on? Oh yeah. I mean, with fentanyl, it's like putting a loaded gun to your head and spinning the chamber and pulling the trigger. Fentanyl's killing everybody out there. We're victims of society and victims of circumstance.

That's a wrap on this episode of Voices of a Killer. I want to thank Sassy for sharing her story with us today. Her ability to be open and honest is what makes this podcast so special. If you would like to listen to the raw recordings of these interviews, you can visit https://www.patreon.com/voicesofakiller. By becoming a patron, you can access not only this, but hours of bonus recordings, correspondence, and you can contribute to the way the show is produced.

A big shout out to Sonic Futures who handle the production, audio editing, music, licensing, and promotion of this podcast. If you want to hear more episodes like this one, make sure to visit our website at www.voicesofakiller.com. There you can find previous episodes, transcripts, and additional information about the podcast.

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I'm your host, Toby, and we'll see you next time on Voices of a Killer.