Ep 44 | Gabriella Shields Part 2 Transcript

Ep 44 | Gabriella Shields Part 2 Transcript

Before we begin this podcast, please be advised that the following episode contains language that some listeners may find offensive and inappropriate. The opinions expressed by the host and guests are their own and do not reflect the views of the podcast producers. Listener discretion is advised. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Visit betterhelp.com/VOK Today to get 10 percent off your first month. Better help help.com/ok or if you'd like, click the link below in the show notes.

He's been involved in gang activity probably most of his life. He's that G Thug mentality, but she was afraid. Albert started a physical altercation. They probably fought over that knife. This is my first time telling anybody my story. So nobody has ever heard my side of the story. Where you're at now is where you're going to spend the rest of your life.

Obviously that has to go through your mind. Like, is this it? What do you think is fair for you, Gabby? Be loved. I think a lot of

you are now listening to the podcast, Voices of a Killer. I'm bringing you the stories from the perspective of the people. that have taken the life of another human and their current situation thereafter in prison. You will see that although these are the folks that we have been programmed to hate, they all have something in common.

They are all humans like us that admit that they made a mistake. Will you forgive them or will you condemn them? They are currently serving time for their murders and they give us an inside glimpse of what took place when they killed and their feelings on the matter now. Here are the voices of those who have killed.

Welcome back to Voices of a Killer. Last week, our episode ended up with more questions than answers on how the tragic death of Christopher Yonez occurred. Gabby Shields, the subject of these two episodes, was involved in somewhat of a love triangle, it turns out, with both Yonez and one of her co defendants, Albert Romero.

Well, at least this was the story told to us by Tim Murray, the other co defendant. On this episode, we will delve further into the case with an exclusive interview with one of the detectives on the case, Mike Wells. Mike gives us a clear insight from a law enforcement point of view as to just how things played out and it's his voice that you'll hear first on this episode of Voices of a Killer.

Okay, so Mike, what exactly do you think happened at the time? That Gabriela Albert Timothy Murray pulled up with the victim Mr. Yonez. Who do you think shot Mr. Yonez and what exactly do you think went down? So, based on the evidence I've seen, my opinion after hearing what Gabby said, the short version is, I think, I think Gabby pulled up in the car.

Albert was aware that Christopher had a knife. Gabby said that Albert jerked him out of the car. I think Albert probably either tried to cover the knife or went for the knife as he did that. And I think the struggle ensued between Albert and Christopher. I think ultimately that's where the knife wounds came into play.

Christopher had a significant knife wound on the crown of his skull. I think Albert, when he pulled him out of that car, probably got that knife. They struggled over it and he struck him over the head with it. He suffered some other wounds as well from it. I think while they were engaged in that, that Timothy probably exited the truck, came around the front of it, and was the one who actually fired the weapon.

We've heard that story from others. You know, Gabby stated that she actually didn't see who had the gun. When the gunshots fired, she just kind of put her head down and was afraid. But she stated later, That as she was trying to drive away, she heard that last gunshot and her first thought was Tim shot Albert.

That tells me that she was under the impression Tim had that firearm. So, consistent with the other information we had received is that Tim's probably the one who pulled the trigger. And, it would make sense to me for a lot of different reasons. Some of these certainly would never be accepted by a court.

Others I think wood, but just common sense, all right? So you got to picture Albert, a 5'8 5'10 Hispanic guy who weighs somewhere between 350 and 400 pounds. This guy's not in good shape. Fighting a guy who's a little shorter in stature, but solid, construction worker type. Christopher Yonas had done roofing and his whole life was construction work.

He was solid, and certainly. Without some advantage, if you put these two guys just out on the dirt road out there, Albert can't do much to Chris, even if he's stronger than him, he's got to get a hold of him, Chris could avoid him, there's a lot of ways Chris could have defended himself, Albert jerking him out of a car and getting an advantage on him, but I think Christopher would have been a handful for Albert, especially if they're fighting over a knife, which obviously the knife was in play, Christopher had it on his hip, Christopher brought it out there, but Christopher's the one that sustained the injuries from it, I find it difficult To believe or understand that Albert could have brought a firearm out there, one with his physical condition.

For lack of better terms, he's a fat guy. And it's hard to conceal weapons when you're a fat guy. I've been overweight at times. You can't carry it in an appendix style because your stomach's over it. You can't carry it in your back because you can't get to it. You can't carry it on your side because it digs into your hips when you're riding in a car.

I find it difficult that Albert had a concealed firearm. As he approached that vehicle, engaged in a physical altercation, and then was able to pull that weapon and use it. Now, does that mean it's impossible or it didn't happen? Certainly not. But, it is unlikely in my mind. It is much more likely that Timothy had that firearm, Albert started the altercation, and Timothy finished it.

We're not talking about let's go to court with it, we're just theorizing what happened out there with the information we have. So, Albert is from California. He's been involved in gang activity probably most his life. He's that G Thug mentality. In my experience in law enforcement, most of the guys that we come into contact with, they try to mimic TV.

They want that Glock style. Most of them don't get that. What they get is cheap s***. They got the old high point, or they got a Jennings, or some cheap gun that looks gangster ish. Not very often do you see them with the old 1911 styles. We don't know what type of gun was used other than it was a 45 caliber ACP.

That could have been a Glock, SIG, whatever. We don't know. But it was described to us a bit by Erica and we were led to believe we were looking for a 1911 style fire. We never found it. Timothy was the one who had been carrying it. Timothy comes from Sarkoxy, Missouri. Timothy drives a big jacked up truck even though it was stolen.

It makes a lot more sense to me for Timothy to be the guy carrying the gun. Now a lot of this is conjecture obviously. They've all already been convicted. We're just talking about what my opinions are. I think most of what Gabby just told us was true. I think that she started planning it. I think they got into a frenzy and it went along the way it did.

Like she said. As she was driving down there, when she got to come and go, she realized she couldn't get Chris in the truck, and it became real. She started thinking, wow, this is gonna happen. But she was afraid. Albert started a physical altercation. They probably fought over that knife, and Timothy shot him.

I mean, that is our best guess at this point. I would be very interested to hear what Timothy has to say about it. I've spoken to him already. I've got the recordings where he says he's not the one that pulled the trigger. We'll see what happens next time. In a bit of a head spinning contrast to Gabby's version of events, Detective Mike Wells serves up a different brew of speculation.

Picture this. While Gabby describes a chaotic and fear filled scene, Detective Wells Lays out a theory that suggests a much more calculated and violent encounter. Key to Mike's take is that he reckons there was a tussle between Albert and Christopher. And that knife, it was right in the middle of it. He speculates that it might have been Timothy who pulled the trigger.

Why, you ask? Well, according to him, Albert's size and gang history make it improbable for him to carry and use a concealed firearm effectively. Now, let's be clear, this isn't some courtroom drama, it's just Mike sharing his opinions, and again, like Gabby, he also has doubts as to what really happened on that night.

But here's the kicker. It deepens the enigma surrounding the events leading up to Christopher Jonas's tragic death. As we keep digging into this tale, I wanted to hear what Gabby had to say concerning Mike's theory. So one of the things that I learned by talking to one of the detectives is that it's very unclear exactly what happened out there because you, Tim, and Albert all have a little bit different story.

Why is that? For real, this, this is telling anybody my story, nobody has ever heard my side of the story. So he can't even say that I have a side of the story because I never gave him one. Whenever I went into that interview room, whenever they told me to turn myself in and they were going to let Albert go, they didn't talk about much of anything.

They just made up this big elaborate story that they wanted me to talk to and I don't really remember the details because I was so high. They have this big forest, like, tree diagram thing and all these cell towers and I guess it was, like, them showing me, like, where my phone was bouncing off of. I didn't really talk to anybody.

I don't know the details of anything. They tried to tell me that I wrote a letter to him, like, threatening his life or something like that. I've never wrote a letter to Jonas threatening his life. I love that man. That was my best friend. I used to joke around with him. Telling him the only way out of this friendship is in a brown paper bag, because he used to say that to me.

It's so crazy how some things get misconstrued, you know what I mean? With a friendship like that, how did you get to where you were like, hey, this guy needs to be taken care of, okay, we're going to do this, all right, let's agree to that, and okay, we're going to take his life? It wasn't premeditated. It was a fly on the seat of your pants type thing.

It went from you pick him up and bring him to me realizing, Hey, Jonas is not gonna get in the f***ing vehicle with these two because Jonas and Albert didn't like each other. Jonas hated Albert and Albert was jealous of Jonas. So, and I was like, Oh my God, my gut was telling me to turn around, but my brain was like this, and it kicks in whenever Jonas, or Albert pulls Jonas out of the car, and I was like, what is happening?

Stop this, Gabby. So you felt everything was manifested, but you didn't think it would actually be a reality that you would actually take this guy's life? Yeah, and where did I get from point A to point B? And afterwards, I just remember being like, We need to talk about this. I mean, even the f***ing alibi was that Orlandi, like, that dude was such a f***ing flake and I did not like him.

His stepdaughter tried to say that, um, He went to the feds and gave like a full confession about how I gave him a full confession or whatever. That was crazy. I don't even know if that's true. I was hearing rumors on the streets about people saying that they had me on recording saying that I admitted to doing it.

I was like, that's f***ing crazy. Gabby, Timothy, and Albert each seemed to have a slightly different spin on what went down that fateful night. It's like a puzzle with pieces that don't quite fit. What's more, Gabby reveals that she's never shared her side of the story until now. When she was first questioned by the detectives, she was in such a state that she couldn't even remember the details, and they presented her with their version of events.

They even went as far as saying that another person came forward and told police that Gabby had admitted to the crime. The reality is that Gabby strongly denies any premeditated plan to harm Christopher Yonez. Her best friend. She insists that their friendship was genuine and that the whole tragic sequence of events was like a terrible, unexpected nightmare.

Now, as she faces her day in court, the real reckoning begins, and the truth may finally emerge when the shadows of hearsay and speculation. Did you say at court, they yelled at you? I was trying to hold it. That was the hardest thing for me to do, was to hold that in because. Paul Deshire was my public defender.

That was the first lawyer I had before the Conference of Interests. He told me, Abby, listen, you're going to have to keep your emotions in check. And I think that I was like, damned if I do, damned if I don't. If I showed emotion like I wanted to, it would have been too much for them. Because I, for real, am an emotional person.

Me not showing any emotion for them, the judge told me I had no remorse. When I got back to the pod, I broke down. Every court date, I went back to the pod. It was so hard. And I was so heavily medicated. I was on paladol and rimron and all these heavily sedated medications. Now, mind you, I have these transcripts in my coat and I read them over and over and over and over and over and over.

What his aunt told me was just so brutal. And I know that, like, from what his dad said, it was like, you could tell, like, they just have no beginning or end. I hate that so much, and I hated that. And it, what was I to say to them? Whenever the judge asked me if I had something to say, I was so Ashamed. Ill written.

Ashamed. Ugh. I knew that there was nothing that I could say to take their pain away. I knew that there was nothing that I could say to make them not hurt anymore. Do you feel like now there's something you could say? No. The only thing that I could do is just tell them everything that happened. My truth.

In hope that maybe it helped. I pray every single day that I'm not reopening this wound. It's throwing salt on it. I don't wanna, I don't wanna hurt him any worse than what I already have. I just want him to know how. Sorry. I'm, do you think they would forgive you? I don't even feel like I deserve it. When Gabby faced the victim's family in court, it was nothing short of brutal.

They yelled at her, and it took immense strength to hold back her emotions. Her attorney advised her to keep her composure, but for someone as naturally emotional as Gabby, it was a real struggle. After each court appearance, she returned to her cell, heavily medicated, to cope with the weight of it all.

The transcripts of what the victim's family said to her still haunt her, particularly the aunt's words, which cut deep. It's clear that Gabby is consumed by guilt and shame. And while she wishes she could say or do something to ease their pain, she acknowledges that there are no words or actions that can truly heal the wounds she's inflicted.

In the midst of it all, she hopes that sharing her truth might bring some solace to the grieving family even though she doesn't believe she deserves their forgiveness. Ultimately, Gabby was sentenced to life plus 40 years in a Missouri prison. I wanted to know what it felt like to her. This

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 I just really don't think it was for him. I think he pretty much had his mind made up before we even got his death. What was your reaction whenever he said the words, life in prison plus 40 years? I mean, I looked at my lawyer and he told me to fill out a form 40 and start my appeal process. And I could hear my gut wrenching.

So that I could finally let out my emotions, I could cry, I could let it go. And I don't see it that way, even see it that way. I will never give up hope. I will never stop fighting. Maybe it's denial, maybe it's God, maybe it's nothing. I know that I'm going to do my time that I'm supposed to do, and I feel like I will be walking out those gates.

You feel like you're not going to die in prison? I refuse to think like that. Why do you feel like you're going to get out? You got life plus 40. Because laws change. Things change all the time. I was very harshly bitten for the lack of what I did. Maybe a life sentence, yeah, but plus 40s? No, that's too much.

So Gabby, I'm saying this on the recording for the world to hear. I also think The sentence is harsh, and someone posed the question to me, well, what if it was your child? Most people's reaction is, well, I would want to kill her if you took my child's life. Especially under the circumstances of believing somebody was an informant when they actually weren't.

To say how I feel, when that question is posed, what if it was someone that you loved? You did not pull the trigger, someone else did, and you got life plus 40, but the majority of the responsibility lies on you because you thought Mr. Jones was an informant, you went to Albert and told him about the issue.

And life plus 40 is usually when somebody does something really bad firsthand, meaning they pulled the trigger. So I'm very torn between coming up with my own answer. That's what makes me feel the decision the judge made was not super accurate, but everything was there. There was no question. I should have definitely is part of your sentence, the dr*** or is the life plus 40 all the murder?

What's the difference between life plus 40 versus life without? What's the difference? In the state of Missouri, what is life? Is that 25 years? 25 years. Given the facts of the case, what should your sentence be? What is, what, what do I feel would be fair? You know what I mean? I don't, I don't know. Somebody made a point to me.

What if that was your kid? What if that was somebody you loved and close to you and then make that decision on what they, what should happen to them? Most people Their answer is, I'd like to kill them. Give them the death penalty. They took something that, that I love. I'll never get that back. Do you think that people should think that way by putting somebody else in those shoes and, and to, to give that answer that we're trying to give?

If a person is not willing and not willing to feel remorse for what they did, then yeah, they deserve to sit in prison and continue on doing whatever it is that they're doing in prison, in prison. It would take a long time, but. I think that I could see myself coming to that realization. So you were sentenced to life plus 40 years.

What's too much? I mean, obviously you want out. What do you think is fair for you, Gabby? I don't know. I would like to say I

feel like I still deserve time, still deserve to do time because I f***ed up, f***ed up bad. I did that. And I took a lot of things from the family, a lot of things that they will never be able to experience in life. I took that from them. Yeah, no. Will they ever want me out of prison? Probably not. What does it feel like knowing that where you're at now is where you're going to spend the rest of your life?

Obviously that has to go through your mind. Like, is this it? This is my home until I pass away. I mean, that's gotta be reality with life plus 40. I mean, I'm going to be honest with you. Maybe it's denial. Maybe it's just not set in. I just don't feel like that. Maybe it's because I don't live in here. Maybe it's because I have hope.

Maybe it's because I have Jesus. Maybe it's how I get by. You hold out enough hope to where you think something's gonna change, where they reevaluate you after so much time and say, Hey, we're gonna go in and let you out. I'm never gonna stop fighting. I do spend a lot of time in the law library. I do know that there's a lot of stuff that they did that was wrong.

Gabby's reaction to her sentencing was a mix of emotions. When the judge delivered the verdict of life in prison plus 40 years, she looked at her lawyer, who advised her to start the appeal process by filling out a Form 40. In that moment, she could hear her mother's anguish in the background, and the weight of it all was overwhelming.

She longed to return to her cell, where she could finally let her emotions flow. The tears she had been holding back could be set free. But even then, and now, her perspective on her sentence remains resolute. Gabby refuses to accept that she will spend the rest of her life behind bars. She clings to the belief that laws change, circumstances evolve, and that one day she may walk out those prison gates.

She acknowledges that her sentence seems harsh, especially considering that she didn't pull the trigger. But her hope and her determination to keep fighting remains unwavering. She acknowledges her guilt and the pain she has caused the victim's family, understanding that they may never want her released.

Yet Gabby's resilience is driven by her faith, her pursuit of legal remedies, and the enduring hope that circumstances might shift in her favor. However, I wanted to figure out the reality of that situation with her.

So, doing the math, you would be, well, what's the percentage, so there's a percentage for 40, right? Okay, so, for the ACA, it is 0%. So, the ACA is 3 years flat, and then it would be up to the board to decide how many years I would do on that. Well, let's take away the armed criminal action. You went in at 27, you got life plus 40.

If 25 years is life, then what we're doing is we're saying 27 years old, plus 25, we're now at 52 years old, now the 40 years that they added on, that would have a percentage of 85%, correct? No. It's 0%. It's not 85%. It's 0%. That's what my face sheet says. So you could do your life sentence, and if they wanted to, they could let you out after that and not apply the 40 at all?

Well, you said that was 0 percent as well. No, no, no, no. With ACA, you have to do 3 flat years. But 3 years is nothing compared to what you got going on. So life is 25, we'll add 3. So now we're at 28. So you think that after 28 years, that it's possible, since the 40 has 0%, the 40 they added on, That you could get out in 28 years?

No, because normally with a, with a murder charge, they, they do a five year setback off the top. What is the best case scenario with your sentence? You got 25 plus ACA, which is armed criminal action, gives you three years. You're telling me that the 40 years that they gave you has zero percent, so that means that the board Can say, well, you've done two years of the 40.

We're going to go ahead and let you out. Is, are you telling me that's accurate?

So I was under the impression that you're going to die in prison. And to be honest, some people would be disappointed because I have heard from people that don't think she should be put to death. How does that make you feel? I'm sure a lot of people feel that way about me. And that's because the people that to me still love me and are still here for me.

Have you ever gotten any hate mail? And really, even if I saw the name on it, I wouldn't have opened it. You know what I mean? All that time you got in there and you got a letter from maybe like. Mr. Jones parents, that you would not open that out of respect? I mean, they're male. They're male. Okay, well how do you identify hate mail before it's open?

There's certain names I wouldn't answer. Like, I've gotten So, I'm trying to show the best case scenario mathematically. And 55 years old is what I come up with. Do you think that's accurate for best case scenario? I mean, sure. Yeah. How does that make you feel going into prison as basically a young adult, 27 years old, and leaving with almost retirement age?

I'll be free. Well, the freedom is not What I'm saying is depressing is that you spent Your entire adult life, almost in an institution where you cannot be free. Freedom is a state of mind. It really is. I could sit here every day, all day, and just be so depressed that I'm locked up and everything, or can be, cause for real, I'm freer now than what I was at.

And I know it's crazy to say, because the things that I went through mentally and I was so lost in my addiction, I lost a face. Since that self worth and I didn't really respect myself, I didn't respect others. So now I like literally and mentally freer than I was out there. Like I've grown into this beautiful woman inside and out.

I'm happy with who I am, confident, sober, I have an amazing relationship with my children, with my family, and I just don't think that I would have those things had I not come here. Now 35 years old Gabby has spent the last 8 years of her life in prison, a significant portion of her adult life behind bars.

The complexity of her sentence, including life plus 40 years, have led to questions about her potential release. With the ACA, Armed Criminal Action, having a zero percentage, the possibility of her release hinges on the decision of the parole board and the time she has served. The best case scenario, mathematically, points to a potential release around the age of 55.

However, despite the challenging circumstances, Gabby maintains a positive perspective. She believes that freedom is a state of mind, emphasizing her personal growth, sobriety, self worth, and improved relationships while incarcerated. Being mentally free and content with her current self is an accomplishment she might not have achieved if not for her time in prison.

Now I wanted to find out more about Gabby's prison experience and the realities of life behind bars. What's something that makes you relax in prison? Is it just sleeping, falling asleep, or is it reading or playing a certain game? All the people, I, whatever to them, you know what I mean? Ooh, it gets me going.

Anything that stimulates my mind really relaxes me because I'm a person whose mind runs all the time away until steady is. They love to over medicate people. Whenever I came here, I was heavily medicated and I kind of learned to take myself off of certain medications and have kind of only stayed on two medications and I'm fine on that.

I've learned what works for me and what doesn't. I've studied up on my mental health and stuff like that so that I know. What to look for, the signs that I'm looking for. I know, like, whenever I start to maybe go into a panic attack, I can excuse myself from the situation. You know what I mean? Like, I know what to do and what not to do in a situation so that I can function correctly.

I have to keep my mind busy. I love music. I love music. I just, I always got my headphones on, I'm always listening to music, I'm just laughing. Laughter is the medicine for the soul, like, if you laugh all the time, you don't age. You're going to love life, you're going to get over so much stuff so much better.

Yeah, laughter is definitely good. It is, and I crack jokes on everything. I'll crack jokes on myself. Sometimes I'm inappropriate about things, but it's not like I'm serious. I don't ever tear down anybody. Do you feel like the girls in there like you or dislike you? I feel like they either like me or they don't.

It's not them, not me. I'm not gonna Stop being who I am because of how they feel. You either love me or you hate me. Like there's no in between. Do you feel like you see a lot of mental illness around you? It's sad. Do you feel like you're mentally ill? I don't like to, I mean, nobody likes to categorize herself like that.

Because honestly, I mean I have a chemical imbalance, and I think that, and there's things that are, that were induced because of things that my baby daddy did to me, like schizophrenia, my audio hallucinations, I don't think that was a thing until him. There for a while, I was seeing a lot of things I didn't know what wasif it was real or not and I feel like it was because of the things that he put me through.

I was really questioning reality and it took me a long time to come back from that. The medication they put you on is good for a short period of time so that you can, you know, slow your brain down, regroup your brain and realize what's real and what is not real again. As they put me on this drug, Geodon, it slowed my brain down so I wasn't so impulsive.

They ran out of the medication and so I detoxed from it. The detox from them is horrible. It's like you go through like drug withdrawals from it. So when I detoxed from it, I was like, I don't want to go back to it. But after I stopped taking it, I realized that my brain had like I was able to fully understand, I need to think my thoughts through thoroughly, you know what I mean?

I need to not be impulsive. When I get mad or anxious, I need to think about things. Sometimes I still slip up and I do impulsive things, but it's not as serious something that I committed. My anxiety is still bad. I chew on my cuticles and my foot's always moving. I'm still a very anxious person. I've read a lot about The mental illnesses, the depression that I have, the mania, the bipolar, all of that, the BPD, just everything.

Um, before you went to prison, were you ever diagnosed with like manic or anything like that? Yeah, whenever I was younger, I took medicine. I was on ilbuterine and maybe Lexapro. I didn't understand mental illness.

Gabby's life in prison revolves around staying mentally engaged and finding relaxation through various means. She's a conversationalist who enjoys intellectual discussions with like minded friends who provide wisdom and guidance. Games like chess and activities that stimulate her mind help her relax, giving her propensity for an active mind.

Despite the challenges, Gabby has taken control of her mental health, reducing her reliance on medication and learning to manage her mental state effectively. For us, it's a reminder that while behind bars, prisoners often seek solace and relaxation in these activities as a way to temporarily escape the harsh realities of their incarceration.

They also have relationships with their families that they have to maintain. I wanted to know just how deeply Gabby's family was affected.

So Gabby out of everybody that you knew, like your family, friends, who was the most disappointed with you? This is going to sound a little crazy but if anybody pointed, maybe Shane? I think I let everybody down but at the end of the day, I think that it really brought me and my family closer. I'm not going to say that they're proud of me, because they're not, but my family stuck by me.

Hearing my mother at the sentencing was gut wrenching. I couldn't even turn around and, and look at her. It was horrible. Whenever everything came out and I went on the run, it was a lot for them to take in. And then I get this letter from my little sister. My family, we're all very, very blunt, very cut and dry.

Like we don't bulls*** at all. Like we say what we mean and we mean what we say. And. I'm a horrible liar, so in my mind, I just don't say anything at all. If I just don't say it, then it's not a lie. I just wasn't raised to lie. So, when she wrote me this letter, she went into our childhood and everything.

She said, I'm not happy with your life decision, but I still love you. You're still my big sister, and I know that you're still in there. She gave me the option. You either get better. And whether you spend your life in there or you get out, as long as you just keep doing the next right thing, I will be by your side to help you the whole way.

And she said, no matter how hard it is, we'll be there. And she has been. I don't think any of them was happy about it, but they still love me. I think that's the hardest thing about loving your family. When they do something that's not the greatest, you still love them. I had decided I was going to do that, um.

Have you ever written a letter? To the board? No, you can't do that until you go to the board. Then you can write any letter you want. My name and the works of something, I feel like it's helping me gather things. I feel like we're both gatherers of information, but to understand what I'm going to be looking forward to.

I'm glad that I will be better equipped on GriefShare to have you write letters to us. What you grieve about, who you grieve. So in that class, I wrote so many letters to Jonas and his family. And those are letters that I've written. I haven't written to the board. I don't feel like I can do something like that until I can learn to forgive myself.

Do you think you deserve to forgive yourself ever? Yeah, I do. I feel like it will come in time, but I feel like I'm just so hard on myself. You know what I mean? I can't stay stuck in my mistake. That's like my punishment. I make myself feel like that, too. Who I am, even though I know that's not what I am.

And with hard moving forward in life, I feel like I don't deserve to move forward in life and be happy and smile and have all these good things happen to me. I feel like I am a piece of s*** and don't f***ing deserve that. But look who I have become. Look how far I've come and how much I've changed.

That says something. I could still be living the same life that I was. It's a choice not to. It's a choice. I'll live the rest of my life happy as can be, because I'm not trapped in my mind like I was whenever I was on dr*** anymore, and I'm not hurting people like I was, not hurting myself, and more importantly, I'm not hurting my family.

I'm not hurting my children. That's enough for me. Gabby, out of all the people involved in this whole thing, and I'm talking about everyone, who are you mad at the most out of all those people? Myself. I'm just mad because I can try to push blame to everybody else, but at the end of the day, I went along with it.

I decided to do it. I'm just mad at myself. The only person I can be, just be mad at, I can be, I can try to be mad at everybody else, I can be mad at Albert for not steering me in a different direction, I can be mad at Tim for saying the idea, I can be mad at all these other people for feeling the way that they feel, but at the end of the day, I'm really just mad at myself.

Gabby's family, they were pretty disappointed with her after everything that had happened, but it's kind of crazy because in a weird way, it actually brought them closer. They stuck with her through thick and thin. The sentencing was tough, especially hearing her mom's words. It was gut wrenching. Gabby also received a letter from her little sister.

Her sister basically said, hey, I'm not thrilled with your life choices, but you're still my big sister, and I'm here for you. Just do the right thing, and we'll support you every step of the way. In all honesty, it's pretty touching. As for Gabi's aspirations for the parole board, she hasn't written a letter yet, but she's working on it.

She feels like she needs to forgive herself first, which isn't easy, but she believes it'll happen with time. She's come a long way and doesn't want to be stuck in her past mistakes, and her family's support means the world to her. Now, Gabi also has a strong religious side too. And she's all about self improvement and making amends.

We'll hear more about that after the break. If you got a chance to go in front of the parole board and they ask you why you should be let out, what would your answer be? Because I learned from my mistake and I used every tool possible provided for me here in prison to change who I am, my way of thinking.

I can survive out there without having The thought that I need to do anything like this again. I completely changed who I was. I grew up a lot here. I am able to make personal bonds and relationships. Those are things that I didn't have on the street. I accept who I am. I accept my mistakes. I own up to my responsibilities.

I prioritize my life now. I keep myself out of trouble. Before you went into prison, did you have a relationship with God? It was very hit or miss. I knew that there was something, but I didn't know what. Living in the life that I lived, I saw so much I saw so much darkness and light. I went through so much stuff with that side of the world, like, I knew that there had to be something better than what there was.

When I tried to kill myself You tried to kill yourself? And even though I was mad that I didn't, I felt like there was a reason for that. There's a reason why I'm still alive. And, um, there's a reason for everything. And, um There are no coincidences. I just feel like God has really brought me through a lot and when I slide away from him, my life starts getting chaotic and it's just not where it needs to be.

That's my rock. That's what pulls me through this place. That's my peace. That's my freedom. That's my forgiveness. And there's something that you notice is, I think it was his aunt said, at my sentencing, she said something about, she knows that God says that we're supposed to forgive no matter what, give times 70, 7 times 70.

She said, but I just don't think that I can forgive you. Whenever I went through BFA, Christian Program, I was really going through a lot. It taught me it's not about religion, it's about relationships and knowing who you are And And, in God, and learning to always do the next right thing, and I really grew up a lot in that program, and I've continued to grow after that.

That's the first time that I started talking about my case. We go through this thing called ministry. It's a very long, extensive program. Program. In the first year, they break you down and you let go of everything. It gets right down to the root of your issues, whether it be mental, physical, emotional, all your past hurts, how you grew up, and you just lay it down with Jesus and you go through each event, forgive everybody, and you forgive yourself.

You know what I mean? And it's not instantaneous. Like every day you have to get up and remember, I forgive this person and I forgive myself. That was the first time I had ever spoke about my case and it was so relieving just to accept the responsibility for my actions and Tell everything, I was holding it in for so long, it was corrupting me, my soul, it was just the guilt and the shame.

The guilt and the shame is still there, but it's not as bad and it's stuff that I'm always going to be working on. I don't feel like I'm ever going to be like a hundred percent over this, but I feel like it is progress that I make every day and it helps me to have hope. You mentioned that Mr. Yonas family said they should forgive you, uh, if that was on the basis of them being a Christian.

Is that right? Did Mr. Yonas ever talk about God or anything with you when you knew him? We've had a few conversations about it. Do you think Mr. Yonas is in heaven? If you died right now, what would they say in your eulogy? Well, my family would do my eulogy. I don't know. My family has seen a dramatic change in me.

They've seen everything that I've gone through. They don't know, like, direct details of what they've seen. The s*** that I put myself through, like, that I allow other people to put me through and where I'm at now, one of my sisters told me that they just, she just is really excited to see, like, if I ever got out of prison, how successful I would be, because it's not even in her mind that I wouldn't.

What would you say to anyone listening about, especially like kids, about the negative effects that meth has and why they should or shouldn't mess with the drug? Takes you away from reality. Thank you. Bye. Bye. Easily swayed and manipulated into thinking things, into doing things, and to wanting to live your life in a certain light that's really not glamorous.

You're malnourished, so you're not healthy. You're not healthy mentally, physically, emotionally. The isolation factor is horrible. Like, I, whenever I think of some girls in here who, their kids, they're strung out and it's very sad because it's a very lonely life, but you have no friends, you have nothing going for you in your life.

All you have is this addiction and that, that's what your life revolves around. I don't think you really fully see the beauty in, in life. So, I don't think even now I know what it's like to be in love with somebody. I feel like I can love people. And while I was on the streets and high, I loved Jonas. And I loved him as my best friend.

And I had a sense of loyalty to, to him. But I think, like, the experiences that I've been through in life, like, All I've ever wanted is like, I just wanted to be loved. I think a lot of people took advantage of that. Because I'm easy to please out there. While I was getting high, people put me in a situation to see how far I would go.

And nobody wants to appear weak, especially in that lifestyle. I think anybody can relate to wanting to be loved. And when you don't have that, you Turn to dr***. Gabby's approach to addiction is really interesting. She's been through a lot and struggled with substance abuse in the past, but she's determined to stay clean.

She mentioned how she took herself off some medication and found what works best for her. She's focused on her mental health and it's like she's on a journey of self discovery. Her religious side plays a significant role too. She talks about forgiveness, self improvement, and making amends, which is quite inspiring.

I also think her message to anyone in the same situation as her is a warning sign. I really appreciate her honesty. But, at the end of the day, Christopher Yonez lost his life, and it's heartbreaking that we're no closer to finding out who really shot him, despite all the evidence. It's frustrating because I did get a chance to speak with Albert, but he was reluctant to share his side because of the code he said he lives by, and I could tell he knew exactly who had the gun.

Nonetheless, with all the voices of Gabby, Tim, and Detective Mike, the truth seems to be a little grayer than usual, and ultimately, we have to accept what we have heard. Before we wrapped up the call, I wanted to find out if Gabby really thought she deserved to be where she is. The purpose of this podcast episode is for Gabby to tell her story the way it is.

Even though she's behind bars for what she has done, it reminds us that even in the toughest situations, there can be a glimmer of hope. And a chance for transformation. Here's, here's the predicament on it. I'm in Gabby, and I want you to hear me out on this. Obviously this is something that everybody has to realize.

What if it was your loved one? I told somebody that knows your case. I feel like her sentence is too much. And then they said, well, what if that was your daughter or your son? And then it's like, well, I want to kill her. And it's like, exactly. So what do you say about that? I say that I

do if somebody harmed my kid. One of my biggest fears is that something is going to happen to my kid that is harmful, that is a fear I have. So do you, should you realize that you should not get out? You should give up hope because. If we reverse the roles and someone has one of your children hurt, should they spend the rest of their life in prison and not even think about getting out?

Do you think you're the one that belongs there? Like if you got out, you would do something else? I would not. I feel like this. I would never. I grew up a lot and the people I interact with here, I could very well. I live the same life I lived out there and here. Um, I have the best relationship with my kids.

I live a good life and I'm humble. I take the classes that I need to take and I've reached out for every resource that changed my life and I will continue to do that. Whether or not I get out of here, I'm going to continue to do that because I want to set a good example for my children. If I can't live right here, what makes me think that I'm going to be able to tell them to live right out there?

And I want to be able to tell my story to people in here and hopefully help them live right out there, too. And I did what I did because of how I was not only, like, f***ed up off the road, but I was mentally f***ed up, too. Depression, like my mental health, like all of that played a factor as well. I get counseling in here, I'm on my correct medication in here, and if I'm ever released, that's a stipulation I will have to stick with out there.

I'm okay with who I am today. You go see the counselor there, the psychologist, what do y'all talk about? No, we talk about like my childhood trauma, talk about the things that I went through with my baby daddy, and the things that I went through with my mom, and my dad dying. We talk about things that happened when I was out there on the street, traumatic things that happened, and then situations that happen in here that I have to learn the process.

Whenever something happens, I have to sit down and analyze the situation, and I have to learn what to take away from the situation, good and bad. It's good for me to, to talk it out. I don't really need to. Trust people in here. I can't really trust anybody in here. I have a few friends that I have here.

When I first got here, I was very impulsive. But now, I'm not so impulsive anymore. It's so good to hear them say how much I've grown. The steps that I've taken to calm down. I'm working a real job now, and I'm doing a damn thing. I'm proud of myself. Do you talk about your crime a lot with your people that you're locked up with?

I Not in detail, no. I don't really. Like, if I'm in a group Like, uh, for therapy or something, I will, but if it's just some random person, I won't do that. You gotta be careful who you're talking to. But, a lot of people know what I'm here for, and a lot of people know of my time, but, I mean, it's really nobody's business for the details.

Is there anybody else there that has more time than you? Yeah, there's a couple people here that's here for a hundred years, and I think one person's here for 95, so Have you received any hate mail from your victim's parents or family or friends? No, I haven't. There was a girl that came here, one of Jonas really good friends, and she said something to me, and I, I snapped out.

I was like, were you there? And she goes, no. And I said, so, how are you to say anything? How are you to know anything? She goes, you're right, I'm not. I said, okay, enough is enough. So, what is it that people don't understand? I didn't talk. I didn't say anything. Until anybody understands my side of the story, how can they really understand my part of it?

On the next episode of Voices of a Killer says that you escaped by pulling a light down from the ceiling and crawling through the ceiling. Is that accurate? They leave the door open to the outside, so I walked out. Justin, do you think that it's possible that you did something that night that caused Miranda's death?

Absolutely not. From here on, this story is, there's one that you have, and then there's one that the authorities have. They're sad that Miranda passed away, but they don't believe that I had anything to do with it. Whenever they did the autopsy, they put on there originally the cause of death to be undetermined.

I don't believe a proper investigation was done. That's a wrap on this episode of Voices of a Killer. I want to thank Gabby for sharing her story with us today. Her ability to be open and honest is what makes this podcast so special. I also want to thank Mike for his contribution. Without it, the story would not have had the depth it does.

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Thank you for tuning in. I'm your host, Toby, and we'll see you next time on Voices of a Killer.